According to Chicago, IL resident Jim Lovett, plans to vigorously stimulate his own genitals to orgasm are still on course despite the global credit crunch.
Lovett is representative of a major trend in the U.S. released in a report by the FED on Wednesday.
"There is no prospect of masterbating as a whole being mothballed by the current financial difficulties in the country," said Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson.
Further, while wholesale trade was brisk, public sector job gains in both the tissue and internet service provider industries suggest solid growth in the masterbating sector of the economy.
But don't take that "as a sign of what lies over the balance of the quarter," Paulson warned, noting that consumer retail hand lotion sales were flat, an indication that domestic demand in masterbation may be faltering slightly. "Job loss and economic depression over the long term may negatively effect the average consumer's willingness to 'release the doves' on a regular basis."
For the time being, regular masterbaters like Mr. Lovett will continue to spend time in unlit basements for hours on end--even at the expense of human relationships--despite what could end up being an inhospitable economic climate for auto-eroticism.
Classical economists have recently noted that John Maynard Keynes predicted much of this behavior in his 1936: "The General Theory of Employment, Interest and Firing the Flesh Musket."
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