In a shocking reversal from accepted scientific knowledge, the National Academy of Sciences, one of the world's most revered scientific bodies, released a statement today announcing that all of pastor John Hagee's claims about the natural world are entirely accurate.
“Until now, the
The National Academy of Sciences has since reversed almost all of their most foundational positions including theories on evolution, the Big Bang and the cause of hurricane Katrina.
“That one really shocked us,” said Professor Edward O. Wilson, Pellegrino University Research Professor in Entomology for the Department of Organismic and Evolutionary Biology at
Other theories posed by Hagee that turned out to be empirically verifiable include that “the average life expectancy for a homosexual in the United States of America is 43 years of age,” that “Charles Darwin is a merchant of the devil,” and that “the rapture will literally take place any minute now.”
“That one was the biggest shocker for me,” said Sir Martin Rees, British Astronomer Royal. “I mean any minute? I gotta start getting my shit together immediately!”
The remainder of the National Academy of Sciences were not available for comment as they were busy getting baptized.
1 comment:
This is hilarious.
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